One Day

Just imagine…

A contemporary yet classic love story which diaries the lives of two best friends Emma Morley (Anne Hathaway) and Dexter Mayhew (Jim Sturgess) over a period of two decades!

After spending the night together on the night of their college graduation, which also happens to be 15^th July, St. Swithin’s day, Dex and Em are shown each year on the same date for almost 18 years. It is a slice of their life, with a dressing of various emotions; friendship, success, failure, dreams, desires, marriages, divorces, break-ups, fun, happiness, sadness, loneliness & eternal love!

One Day, based on David Nicholls' best-selling book by the same name sounds very promising, but boils down to merely turning pages of the calendar! Anne looks too pretty to be cast as a below average looking dork & too American to be cast as a Yorkshire lass- nevertheless her smile can compensate for all the flaws! Jim’s performance is commendable & probably the only saving grace for the sporadic movie!

Just in case you like the “idea” or “premise” of eternal friendship & unstated love, you might as well watch an English play named Chaos Theory, starring Zafar Karachiwala & Anhita Uberoi. Chaos theory is far far far better than One Day, despite its limitations of space & effects as a stage show as compared to the film.

Read David Nicholls' book or watch Chaos Theory (A play staged at NCPA, Mumbai) instead of watching the movie One day!

L(ov+uc)

Sherlock Holmes- A game of the shadows

Just imagine…

A maniac, almost psychotic, self-absorbed, virtually psychologically disturbed, mostly stumped and disheveled drug- enthusiast trying to avert a world-war! That’s London’s best detective Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey Jr.)! Despite his unkempt looks & befuddled expressions he has the ability to wonderfully blend impulse, intuition & intelligence- a perfect concoction for a mystery-action-thriller addict!

Dr. Watson (Jude Law) is Holmes’ sidekick. Watson’s Gentlemanly behavior & imperturbable outlook is a perfect balk to Holmes’ coarse mannerisms. With bowler hat & tailor-made suits Dr. Watson is a stunning contrast to Holmes’ penchant for “Fancy-Dressing!”

The two spectacular performances, in their alternatively love-hate manner impart humor, goodwill & twists to a film that would be incomplete without either!

Irene Adler (RachelMcAdams), as usual is sighted carrying a suspicious package to be delivered to a man, who in turn gives a letter, which Sherlock manages to get his hands on. This letter leads him to a gypsy fortune teller, but not before he ruins Watson’s Bachelorette party! Nevertheless, Watson gets married. Holmes’ calculations on the blasts & assassinations point straight towards Prof. Moriarty & their bad equation leads to an end of Watson’s honeymoon even before it starts! Moriarty is a worthy opponent to Holmes; he is sharp & shrewd; he is famous & almost elusive; he knows how to play his cards well-but what secrets do the cards hold for Sherlock Holmes?

What would happen if one person wants to own both, the bombs & the bandages? Could a series of blasts & assassinations lead to World-war? What is the possibility of a peace summit culminating into a war? Can a game of chess determine the outcome of the game of shadows? Will Holmes’ be able to forestall a world-war?

With beautiful photography of 19^th century London, apt costumes, impeccable performances & a great storyline, this movie surely qualifies as a Sunday entertainer & a MUST WATCH! So, don't sit at your "Homes" go to a theatere to watch "Sherlock Holmes"!

L(ov+uc)

Alvin and the Chipmunks- Chipwrecked

Just imagine…

Half a dozen cute squirrels aboard a cruise ship; all decked up, singing & dancing! So far so good- but as usual Alvin, the most irresponsible chipmunk messes up & one of his disruptive antics on board results into an accident that leaves them marooned on a deserted island! Their manager cum dad, Dave fanatically tries to rescue them!

Well, if you have seen the Shin Chang movie, you might feel this plot is a cheap imitation. Imitation coz it’s almost on the same lines- Shin Chang was shipwrecked & Alvin is Chipwrecked! & cheap coz it lacks the sense of humor & a good script.

Very young kids will enjoy the movie but there is very little or absolutely negligible that can keep the adults engaged for too long. Despite we Indians being used to interruptions of the story by songs, we will find the song sequences by the chiplets & munks unnecessary, patchy & too frequent!

Animation is excellent & all the visuals are colorful, peppy & bright; but unfortunately it cannot compensate for the lack of substance. Watch the movie if you want to get “Brain-wrecked”!

L(ov+uc)

Don 2

Just Imagine…

This Christmas it’s raining offers at the leading cinemas! Buy the ticket of don & get Rahul,James Bond 007 and Ethan Hunt free- you might as well phrase it like “Hunt, Ethan hunt… naam toh suna hoga!”

As the tattooed “D” appears on the screen, the crowd shouts “OOOOOO”! I guess it’s an omen, leave your logic aside- things are about to get jumbled! Even a kindergarten kid will be able to tell a D from O! 

As far as the story is concerned, Don 2 in a nut shell is about larceny at DCB. Don wants to rob the bank not of the money; but of the plates used to print the currency! He does succeed in his attempt to rob the plates with the help of Vardhaman (Boman Irani), Sameer (Kunal Kapoor), Lara Dutta, Diwan (Alyy Khan) & Nawab Shah- but that doesn’t guarantee whether DON 2 will be able to mint money! Om puri & Roma/ Junglee billi (Priyanka Chopra) are the only representatives of “Gyara Mulkon ki police” jo Don ke peeche padi hai- which by the end of the movie will become “Dus mulkon ki police”! The Junglee Billi becomes Bheegi Bill- Rahul ka jadoo chal gaya! Also, in one of the scenes, it seems that, Don has developed an interest in men with beautiful eyes- a Kinky development from Don 1! Hritik Roshan appears in a cameo as a mask on Don’s face; Hritik’s Mask retains the super powers of Krish, which enables  SRK to resize his physique!

SRK’s manages to play Don pretty well despite a loose ended script, Priyanka Chopra is good enough, Boman Irani is underutilised & if you wish to get a glimpse of Lara Dutta please manage to stay awake!

The movie explodes more logic than bombs & it shatters more hope than glass! well it is an action movie where the protagonist dosen't perform a stunt throughout the movie- the only stunt that takes place is performed by the audience- by watching the movie!

“Yeh Movie ko digest karna Mushkil hi nahin Namumkin hai!”, unless you are a die-hard SRK fan, you might even require Kayamchurna!

L(ov+uc)

Pappu can't dance saala

Just imagine…

A village guy meets a city chick, simpleton meets miss complicated, medical representative meets a Bollywood dancer- basically law of magnetism manifests itself & opposites attract!

It’s a good ol plot, where initial enmity transforms into some rom-pom romance! Vidhyadhar (Vinay Pathak) has come to the Mayanagri Mumbai as a med-rep leaving behind his family in Banaras, while Mehak (Neha Dhupia) has left her house in Kolhapur to make a mark as a Bollywood dancer. They both happen to be neighbours residing illegally at a sales tax colony, somewhere in Andheri. Due to some uncomprehendable reasons they end up staying in the same flat- all right the vigilance raid renders Neha homeless; but Vidhya cannot kick her out of his rented apartment- can’t fathom why!  Then on ensues a silly cat & mouse chase and cat & mouse in love game- and it’s not as good as Tom & Jerry!

There is also a never ending Biology class VII lecture on Menstruation, which tries too hard to educate the audience about the monthly cycle- result? FAIL!

Neha Dhupia & Vinay Pathak’s acting is the only thing that holds the film together. Then there’s Nasseruddin Shah in a cameo, trying to pep up Vidhya & doing some great “gyan” scenes trying to say that love transcends all differences & lo and behold our Hero is back in town to woo his lady love! Rajat Sharma is the new age choreographer who probably does karate chops as dance steps!

The film shows promise initially but falls victim to substandard plot & overused premise! The movie has nothing to do with Pappu’s dancing skills- but then what has apple to do with a mobile phone or orange to do with a network providing company? Well the movie is a jumbled up fruit salad trying to dance its way up to the box office but goes pear-shaped midway itself!

Pappu can't entertain saala!

L(ov+uc)

Mission Impossible:4 (Ghost Protocol)

Just imagine…

A couple of super smart undercover agents, self-destructive messages, devious masks, high security precincts, secret control centres, computers containing Crucial information, mind-boggling gizmos, nuclear missiles; all put together in a botched up plot, that does impart tremendous urgency and pace but lacks lucidity!

Ethan Hunts (Tom Cruz) is rescued from a high security prison by benji (Simon Pegg) & Jane (Paula Patton). “Ethan’s mission, should he choose to accept it” is to recover some crucial information that could lead to a nuclear war- the message delivering secretary is shot! IMF is dissolved; president has disavowed all the agents & now the responsibility to avert the nuclear war rests on Ethan Hunt’s Rogue team, which now includes the chief analyst- Brandt (Jeremy Renner).

In their pursuit of the real culprit, a Scandinavian consul turned frenzied terrorist (Michael Nyqvist), Ethan & his apostate team, assume many roles- from a scallywag prisoner & a military personnel in Russia to Spiderman in Dubai; Facing several life-threating catastrophes- be it sandstorm in the middle-east or traffic jam in Mumbai!

Well, the plot misses out on logic but compensates the lack with thrilling action scenes. As usual, Tom Cruise acts in a perfectly detached fashion; Jeremy brings in the intensity & passion; Paula raises the Glamour quotient & Simon’s comic timing is impeccable! O.K. now there’s also a Bollywood actor playing the role of some business tycoon Brij Nath (Anil Kapoor), who has “vital information” in form of some codes which are extracted out of him within a matter of 2 minutes! The only logical reason to collage Anil somehow into this blotched up plot, is to get the attention of the “Indian population” which is a huge market- Mission Accomplished upto some extent! Any Idiot can guess that the parking lot scene is not shot in India!

The void created by irrationality is filled in by beautifully shot action scenes. You might not be able to resist watching this sequel, if you have already watched the earlier movies of the franchise; but do not keep great expectations, it shall lead to disappointment. If you watch it for Anil Kapoor or “INDIA”- you are doomed to feel cheated!

Watch it for Pegg’s sense of humour & Tom’s Stunts & you will not fall prey to the mediocrity of the plot!

L(ov+uc)

Mee Sindhutai Sapkal

Just Imagine...

There are flowers but you cannot soak in their fragrance, it is raining but your soul is not drenched, there is moonlight but your heart is in darkness! This is the true story of a little girl chindhi, who could not relish simple pleasures of life, but as Sindhu Mai, a mother, she showers love on the homeless children in order to brighten their lives!

14^th Feb,2009- Thousands of feet above the ground, somewhere in the clouds, floats a woman firmly grounded in veracity! The little child in her questions- what if the engine of the plane heats up? Through the window, beyond the clouds, somewhere in Pimpri Meghe village she looks back at a little girl, a girl she used to be! This is the journey of a little girl, into the realms of womanhood culminating into a universal motherhood! It is a saga of transformation of Chindhi, a simple village girl into Sindhu Mai, the mother of the abandoned children!

When most children of her age go to school, Chindhi shoulders the responsibility of grazing the cattle. Her dreams of being educated are shattered when she is married off at the age of 12, only to return home within a year, as a widow! Soon, she is married off to a middle-aged man! The second husband is illiterate, ego issues arise that result into a ban on chindhi’s reading- be it bits of newspaper or her nephew’s textbooks!

Few years later she is kicked out of her husband’s house on the pretext of a false accusation, that she is having an illicit affair & is pregnant out of the wedlock! In the world where a woman’s honour rests at the feet of her husband, how will Chindhi survive, when her own mother has turned a back on her? In her suicide attempt, she finds inspiration to live; In the face of her misfortune she sees hope!

What will she do in order to provide for herself & the new-born? She understands the pain of being homeless but how will she ease the pain of other abandoned children? How can she be helpful when her own situation is so helpless? What does destiny hold for her- or rather how does she write her own destiny?

Based on “Me vanvasi”, by Sindhutai Sapkal, the film is a divinely-hewed heart-wrenching narration on celluloid elaborated by extraordinary performances, power packed dialogues, exceptional cinematography & amazing direction!

In a nutshell, WATCH IT! It deserves a STANDING OVATION!

L(ov+uc)

The Adventures of Tintin- The secret of the unicorn

Just imagine…

A young, resolute, rash yet smart journalist whose irrepressible itch for new stories lunges him into the realm of suspense, adventure & thrill- A world that spells both DANGER & EXCITEMENT!

When Tintin (Jamie Bell), the famous “boy-journalist” purchases a beautiful model of a Unicorn ship for a Pound off a flea market stall, he walks right into the face of a mystery! Within seconds he is offered double for the same boat & when he denies the offer, he is asked to name his price! Accompanied by his fabulous dog, Snowy, it takes just a whiff of suspicion for Tintin to plunge himself into this world of secrets, treachery & deceits! He soon finds out that the model of the ship he has just bought, had met a tragic end when it was attacked by pirates & the only person to survive the attack was Sir Francis Haddock. The ship was supposedly carrying a “secret cargo” which now lies somewhere at the bottom of the sea! Soon enough he realises that the mast of the model contains a clue to the long lost treasure! The scroll in the mast is a part of a jigsaw puzzle & to solve it, he must join hands with Late Sir Francis Haddock’s drunkard, crazy, seafaring grandson- Capt. Haddock (Andy Serkis), who has lost his marbles & remembers absolutly nothing of his past! Hell breaks loose when Tintin comes to face the wreck of the sinister & hedious Sir Sakharine (Daniel Craig), who seems to be contending for the same treasure!

It’s all knotted & entangled- sometimes racing & roaring through a deliciously grungy combination of varied locations-ranging from U.K to Morocco; sometimes soaring over the seas and the deserts; sometimes enticing us with exhilarating flashbacks, cracked biplane jaunts, frenzied chases, clever deductions  & loony rides-that’s what glues us to the screen-bizarre yet beautifully coupled! It is a rollercoaster ride- with the stupor of Capt. Haddock & the astuteness of Tintin!

What memories lay repressed behind the veil of Capt. Haddock’s drunkenness? What connection does Sakharine have with Capt. Haddock? Why does Sakhrine need Capt. Haddock? Will the motor-mouthed blabbering cops Thompson & Thompson be able to help Tintin? What secrets does the unicorn hold?

Beautiful animation brings out a carnival of delightful characters & outstanding voiceovers add life to them! Tintin's adventure has something for everyone! A tantalizing plot that is a perfect concoction of anticipation & fun; of danger & humour; of savouries & desserts- a recipe for sure shot entertainment! It definitely gratifies the appetite of all- young & old!

L(ov+uc)

New Year's Eve

Just imagine…

A collage work project, put together probably by some juvenile film-making training programme student! The result is this movie! The movie derives its Basic DNA from its forefather “The Valentine’s day”, but it seems to have undergone some sort of a mutation during the gestation, resulting in a sloppy, Premature & over-romanticised comedy! It has somehow diluted the purity, freshness & simplicity of its ancestor’s chromosomes!

With over a dozen characters thrown in, one has to be in alert mode in order to stay aligned with the character-shifting almost-fairy tale-like sequences. Actually, it shouldn’t matter if you miss it in bits & parts especially if you have some overly-romantic imagination; you would easily be able to guess where everyone would be, with whom & most of it- by 11:59!

Hillary Swank with the help of friend Ludacris makes sure that the Times Square Ball drops on time! Robert de Nero, is the dying father having a strained relationship with his daughter Hillary. Halle Berry is the caring Nurse having a “skype” relationship with Common, her Soldier Fiancé. Sarah Jessica Parker is a concerned mother uncomfortable with allowing her 15 year old daughter unsupervised at midnight! Josh Duhamel is the son of Cherry Jones & is in love with Sarah. 2 couples competing for a cash prize for the first baby delivered post-midnight-on the new year’s eve. Michelle Pfeiffer trying to fulfil her last years “New year’s resolution” with the aid of Zac Efron.  Zac’s friend, Ashton Kutcher, is stuck in lift with Lea Michelle, Rockstar Jon Bon Jovi’s background singer. Jon is trying to sort out his relationship with his caterer ex-girlfriend, Katherine Heigl. Russell Peters & Sofia Vergara are Katherine’s helpers…& many more short stories! Phew!

In all this confusion & hustle-bustle the romance evaporates & the only “comedy” left in this “romantic-comedy” is the performance of Sofia Vergara! But I guess as Indians, we are used to multi- charactered soaps, sagas & serials! The film is far better than the soaps & reality shows that are aired in the “eve”ning slots on some family entertainment channel!

With 18 names on the poster of a movie that is 1:58min long, it simply means only approx. 7min each! All the actors are underutilised! Watch the movie if you simply live on super-romantic ideas! But do not expect it to be as good as “the Valentine’s Day”!

Still better than the Bollywood movies released this weekend! It’s a light-hearted romantic movie that just manages to keep you engaged in its theme of love, resolutions, forgiveness & second-chances.

L(ov+uc)

Lanka

Just imagine…

A place where there is no end to corruption, murders, frauds & all the possible crimes you can think of! Sounds like already watched it a trillion times? Well, it could be the premise of at least half the Bollywood films!

Jaswant Sasodia, better known as Bhaisahab (Manoj Bajpai) is supposedly the “Ra.One.”, sorry, I ment “Ravan” of his corrupt world Lanka. Well, this Lanka is full of poverty (be it script, songs, performances or dialogues) as opposed to that of Ramayan-the Indian Epic. Moreover it surely won’t be able to collect much gold on the box office either!

As the tag line “she was trapped in the kingdom of lust, love came to free her” suggests, the story is based on a female protagonist Anshu (Tia Baajpai) who is the “involuntary” concubine of Jaswant, the uncrowned king of crime. Her character is nowhere similar to that of Sita in the Ramayana! Sita was the incarnation of goddess; strong, fiery, determined & capable! Unlike Anshu who seems to be the epitome of sadness & helplessness (maybe partly because of the premonition of the failure of the movie). With perennially miserable expression, she seems to have come straight out of some “saas bahu” soap opera!

Suddenly & Sporadically there is an introduction of a third character, Sisodiya’s younger brother (Arjan Bajwa), who soils the Tide detergent act of Anshu on the festival of Holi! And yea, it’s a spoof & not an in-film Ad campaign! Couldn’t get more cliché! There is some romance angle added, it is so pathetic that it falls flat 180°! & also there is Yashpal Yadhav, who dies midway during the movie (Perhaps he is dead bored)!

Now if the film makers are trying to draw a parallel between the Ramayan & Lanka, then a lot of questions arise. Like, if Tia=Sita; Manoj=Ravan & Arjan=Vibhishan, then who is Ram? (Ramayan khatam ho gai, aur Ram ki entry hui hi nahi!) & how come a romantic angle is shown between Arjan & Tia! Whatever! It is a modern version of the Epic, sending across the message that sometimes Vibhishan is enough to free Sita, It is not necessary for Ram to take birth!

By the end of the show, the audience is already half asleep & probably in a distant nightmare…thinking “Trapped in a Ridiculous film-show, the end credits came to free us”!

L(ov+uc)

Machine Gun Preacher

Just imagine…

Your heart getting crushed in the iron fists of cold, brutal & naked truth of potbellied yet starving, almost-skeleton orphans of Sudan! Your heart bleeding & thumping at the same time! It is a spiritual journey of a man who leaves behind the luxuries, safety & security of his heaven, Pennsylvania, in order to bring some relief & hope in the living-hell of Sudan! It is the story of the rise of the Fallen Angel, Sam Childers (Gerard Butler).

Sam transforms from a violent, ruthless, impulsive drug-addict to a God-loving, hardworking & honest businessman, after his very first encounter with spirituality at a local church. His construction business grows & he wins back the faith, trust & respect of his mother-Daisy (Kathy Baker), wife- Lynn (Michelle Monaghan) & daughter-Page (Madeline Carroll). On one of his visits to the church, Sam is moved by a pastor’s poignant account of the lack of support by the abled, towards the needy in Sudan. He goes to Africa, to help at a construction site as a mason. During the stay, he visits the “war-zone” & a relief camp where he sees for the first time the gruesome sight of the war victims. From then on he is haunted by the physical, mental & emotional plight of the injured!

With the help of Deng (SouleymaneSy Savane) & Marco (Mduduzi Mabaso), he earns the titles, the “white preacher” & then the “Machinegun preacher” in his mission to save as many lives as he can. What price does he have to pay for the selfless deed? How does he manage to raise funds? How does he balance his family in Pennsylvania & the “adopted” family in Sudan? What is he losing to accomplish his mission?

The movie transports the audience into the cruel desert of terrorism & war, but not before long it slaps us back to the beauty, yet ugly of the lush green of abundance. It proves that there are two worlds, one: the rich, posh, elite, wealthy & above all safe & Two: hungry, poor, helpless & unsafe, it is what we call: the third-world.

Cinematography, script, casting, dialogues & performances at its very best! The movie will bring to surface guilt, hatred, anger & fear- emotions we would like to burry deep within and simultaniously it will unravel love, hope, forgiveness & empathy- treasures buried & forgotten within our hearts & soul! Ironic but true! There are various POVs to watch the film, ranging from the protagonist’s emotional, spiritual & mental struggle to the plight & fight of the children for survival- No matter what POV you watch it from, it is sure to bring out contradictory emotions & reactions just like its oxymoron title “the Machine Gun Preacher”!

With soft music & harsh realities, the film will make your heart weep- out of sorrow & guilt and yet your eyes will turn to the heaven, tearless out of gratitude for what you have!

MUST WATCH!

L(ov+uc)

P.S. the movie has lot of violence episodes & ghastly scenes & must not be watched by weak hearted & children!

Ladies v/s Ricky Bahl

Just imagine…

Making a Bollywood Bhel- take The scene from YPD, where Bobby Deol & Dharmendra are conmen trying to sell a school property to unsuspecting businessman, the scene from Afoolatoon where Urmila is dancing on a platform at a railway station, Add to it the climax scene of 3idiots, the Kareena-Aamir dialogue "Whats your real name? Wangdu? I don't like Wangdu!" & Ranbir Kapoor’s Bachna ay Haseeno act! Now mix it all up in a mess trying to create some Bollywood's Bambaiya bhel- or in this case Delli’s Ricky Bahl! Its the recepie for a half-baked tasteless predictable plot!

Three women become the victims of the same “Super-Conman”. The film opens with the STAR of the movie- Dimple Chadda (Pariniti Chopra) getting dressed to meet her boyfriend-cum-gym trainer. She leaves her house on the pretext of “a wedding friend”, then off comes BF sunny the “broom broom friend”. They become “party friends”. Dimple gets drunk & Sunny becomes “home dropping friend”! After dropping the daughter home “safely” he takes the parents for a ride!

Scene two: Mumbai; Corporate world- tuff, competitive & sharp! In this ruthless environment survives ambitious & smart Raina Parulekar (Dipannita Sharma). She is looking out for Hussain’s Horses- Oh, not at mahalakshmi race course! Her boss wants M.F. Hussain’s Painting on the office wall within two days! Enter Diwen Shah, Art exhibitor-cum-manager. By the end of the act he paints her face black, blue & red! Money, career, reputation –all wiped off!

Next is Lucknow’s Siara Rashid’s (Aditi Sharma) turn. She is a simple widow who helps her in-laws run the family cloth shop. The “Super-Conman” befriends Siara as Iqbal Khan & puts forth a jaw-dropping irresistible business offer. Hattrick! Siara is clean Bowled!

Raina, the mastermind, brings three of them together & they hire an aggressive sales-girl, Ishika Desai (Anushka Sharma) to Con the “super-Conman”! Period. Don’t waste time in thinking what happens next, if you have watched a couple of Bollywood movies, you could apply for the script-writers post!

Well, if you expect great chemistry & sparks flying between Ranveer and Anushka, probably like Band Baja Baarat, then let me warn you- This move scores F grade- in the chemistry between the lead actors! Moreover the sparks fly (literally)only when the firecrackers burst! That’s it, no more chemistry; no more sparks!

There are only two things worth watching in this movie; one: Pariniti Chopra’s commendable performance as the loud-mouthed, spontaneous dilli ki kudi & Two: Shahrukh Khan’s Dialogue “Kabhi kabhi kuch jeetne ke liye kuch harna padta hai, aur haar kar jeetnewale ko bazzigar kehte hain” as “super-Conman”, Ricky Bahl’s (Ranveer Singh) ringtone!

By the end of the movie one is sure to feel “conned” by the loopholes in the script, patchy songs & underutilised potential of the actors!

Ricky Bahl is conning you of precious time & money! Its AUDIENCE V/S RICKY BAHL!

L(ov+uc)

Rockstar

Just imagine…

A young, talented, down-market, wannabe “Jim Morrison”, Haryanvi- Delhi lad named Janardhan Jakhar (Ranbir Kapoor)taking discourses on “sure-shot ways to become a rock star”, from a middle-aged, potbellied, college canteen manager, Khatarabhai, while gobbling away samosa over samosa! The “sauce” of the matter is “you cannot become a great musician if you haven’t gone through pain, tragedy, loss & heart-break!”

Having taken the advice too seriously, Janardhan, better known as JJ, in search of tragedy & heartbreak, runs straight into Heer (Nargis Fakri), the famous “Dil todne ki machine”! Heer is an up-class, posh, stylish Kashmiri chick who tells him to bugger off when he declares his liking for her. Post the samosa episode it’s obvious JJ is now craving for “burger” so he is now “off” to the canteen. Later he realises Heer has a rebellious streak & wants to attempt stunts no sane girl would venture into. JJ is the play-mate who would satisfy her rebellious tendencies, so together they make a “what to do?” list! (seems like Ranbir is still having a hangover of Anjana Anjani starring opposite Priyanka Chopra).

On their escapade they visit dingy Amar Takies to watch some seedy movie called “Jangali Jawani”, drink Desi-daru & what not! Its wedding time for Heer, in the backdrop of Kashmir, the love remains unspoken, she gets married & moves on, leaving behind confused, shattered & heartbroken JJ! Mission accomplished! May be not yet, on returning home, JJ is kicked out of the house as his family thinks that he is the “black sheep” & good for nothing fellow!

The tragedy is JJ’s stepping stone for success, initially the heart-break leaves him in the middle of nowhere- then like every eccentric artist, he goes from place to place, stays in a mosque, sings hymns, prayers & composes sufi music- he has disappeared from the map for his friends & family for almost two months! JJ approaches Khatarabhai, who becomes his manager, together they approach music company & soon JJ is a smash!  Girls go gaga & guys idolise him. This is the rebirth of a JJ, Jordan the Rebel!

He gets a chance to fly to his lady-love, who is now a noble, high-society daughter-in-law & wife, setteled with her family in Prague! Back to list making & “gandh machana”, visiting strip clubs, sleazy pubs & seedy discotheques! They finally confront their feelings for eachother, Husband finds out about the “secret” & Heer throws JJ out of her life for the second time! If one heart-break can result in such sensational art then imagine what the second one can do? Blow your minds off;Mind-blowing storyline (pun intended)! Phew, so much travelling-Delhi:Kashmir:Prague & yet the movie is going nowhere!

One fine day, JJ comes to know Heer is dying so back to list making! Her health improves a bit & on one of their excursions together they make love. No samosa or sauce for guessing what happens next! Heer is pregnant! Her body cannot tolerate such a strain-& her blood-count is reducing (May be she hadn’t seen The Breaking Dawn, or like Bella she would have even tried drinking blood in order to save her child!). She dies- Hatrrick-Third heart-break for Jordan! The movie ends on a note that he is still burning- with guilt, desire, love & craving for his soul mate!

Well by the end of the movie- there is a fourth heart-break; the audience is only left dissatisfied, as the first half of the movie seems promising & raises the expectations to the extent that the second half cannot match! For a musical to be successful there needs to be a strong ensemble of a good enough story-line, performances & mostly great music. A.R.Rehmaan does a great job of coming up with music like sadda haq, nadaan parinde & katiyan karoon- or maybe it’s the marketing of these songs; bombarding on radio! Whatever it is the songs are a rage!

What Vidya Balan:The Dirty Picture=Ranbir Kapoor: Rockstar! Ranbir has given the best performance of his career till date! Simply put, He is irreplaceable & carries the film on his shoulders ALONE!

Watch the movie if you can stand all the heart-breaks, but you are sure in for a treat of great performance by ROCKSTAR RANBIR!

L(ov+uc)

Ra.One

Just imagine…

The King Khan in a nerdy soda-bottle glass look, doing some south-Indian spoof with all the Tamil accent, eating noodles with curd, wearing silly tight leather pants & an unforgivable wig! He is Shekhran (Shahrukh Khan), the doting dad, who makes a video game with an invincible villain, RA.ONE (Arjun Rampal)  just in order to fulfil his son, Prateek’s (Armaan Verma) fantasy!

On the day of launch of the “new” video game, Prateek tries the game & beats Ra.One in two levels (hello! Wasn’t Ra.One supposed to be invincible? Seems his artificial intelligence went for a toss Post reading the script!) & just when he is about to start the third level, he is summoned by his parents. This pisses off Ra.One (May be he thinks audience is leaving already!) & he decides to leave the digital world to find & defeat Lucifer (Prateek’s Gaming name). Ra.One kills Shekhran along with a few other team members to get to Lucifer! Sonia (Kareena Kapoor) decides to go back to India along with her son Prateek, post Shekhran’s sudden death!

Prateek by now has figured, if the Villian can come out of the digital world why can’t the Hero? Enter: G.One (Shahrukh Khan). Then on it’s a kill Lucifer mission for Ra.One & save Lucifer mission for G.One! What happens next? What would Sonia’s reaction be to this Shekhar’s look-alike Robot version? What would happen if G.One meets Chitti (Rajnikant)? Will G.One be able to defeat the “unbeatable” Ra.One?

The Film can easily claim to have best VFX in Bollywood till date-but it doesn’t match up to Hollywood standards at all! The movie definitely is weak on script, screenplay, dialogues & most of all, the premise itself! Most of the superhero stories are based on the good v/s evil that will change the face of the world, be it Spiderman, Batman, Superman or closer at home-Krish; G.One’s only obsession is to save Lucifer-he doesn’t bother to protect other people Ra.One is killing- he only incidentally saves thousands when he rescues Sonia in the train stunt! What about the Mask? A Superhero’s Costume is incomplete without a mask-the movie clearly banks on SRK’s Face Value! So, no hiding the face for G.One! Moreover the basic recipe for a great superhero flick is that the superhero lives amongst us, like a common man & when need arises he gets into his superhero avatar, which tends to bring a ray of hope amongst the viewers- but in here G-One seems to be the bodyguard robot of Shekhran’s family! But he is not a regular bodyguard- you see, he works out probably by lifting cars, stopping a derailed train with bare hands & hiking skyscrapers!

With Patchy scenes, songs thrown in here & there & despite some “Friendly” appearances-the movie is not viewer-friendly at all!

There is only ONE reaction to this G.One-Ra.One drama: its BOOOO.ONE!

L(ov+uc)

Puss in Boots

Just imagine…

A notorious yet principled outlaw, who does all the wrong things for the right reason. This animation movie is about a feline “Robin-hood” like character, PUSS (Antonio Banderas).

Puss has grown up in an orphanage along with his best buddy, Humpty Dumpty (Zach Galifianakis). Together they dreamt of finding the magic beans that lead to the giant’s castle beyond the clouds, in order to find the goose that laid golden eggs! The dreams are shattered when Humpty sets him up to rob the local bank! This leads to a major fall-out between the two.

Puss hears about the magic beans at a bar, almost seven years later! & decides to pursue the childhood quest! But there is one catch; the beans are in the custody of Jack & Jill, a gangster couple with lots of adopted pigs! This is where Puss meets, Kitty “soft paws” (Salma Hayek). But romance is not the only thing in Kitty’s mind! She leads him to his old friend-cum-enemy, the mastermind, Humpty. Together they plan & execute the master plan, which would be incomplete without either one!

Puss in boots is almost like a sweet-sour flick, with all the necessary emotions, dreams, adventure, love, deceit, scheming, hope, fantasy, drama, songs, hatred & most of all good within evil!

A truly engaging movie, for both adults & children, it’s a MUST WATCH!

L(ov+uc)

The Dirty Picture

Just imagine…

A beautiful, voluptuous, sensational & seductive sculpture from Khajurao temple, come to life! That is what Silk (Vidhya Balan) is in this movie! During the 80’s She is “every” man’s fantasy.

The film begins with Reshma running away from her house one day before her scheduled wedding, to become a film star! She somehow makes her living by working with Amma at some south-Indian dhabha like eatery. One fine day, a shooting is stalled, a dancer has not arrived, Reshma is a now the new dancer, assistant director goes gaga while shooting Vidya’s curvaceous body & semi-porn expressions, Director Abraham(Emraan Hashmi) burns the positive of the song, producer -Silva Ganesh adds the song & rereleases the movie & it’s a SENSATION! Men come to watch only the song or rather Reshma!

No one knows who this mystery girl is, Silva Ganesh finds her, just when Reshma has lost all hope. He renames her as SILK! Abraham hates her, as he thinks that there are other “things” in the movie than sex! But Silk is unapologetic about being a sex-siren! “Jab uparwale ne zindagi ek di hai toh do baar kyon sochna?”

Silk goofs up her first big take, coz she is nervous as she sees her “fantasy” Suryakant (Nasaruddin Shah) in front of her! Back in the vanity room she gets her “tuning” right with the actor! And the result is “Ooh la la”.

Acting at its best, is what could be said about the film. Nasaruddin shah, Emraan Hashmi, Tushaar Kapoor, Anju Mahendru, & most of all VIDYA BALAN!  Vidya Balan pulls off the role with flamboyance, vigour, sensuality & BALLS! She is irreplaceable! No other actor alive could have done justice to the role, which requires spontaneity & fire to such an extent! She unreservedly depicts, Silk, who enjoys the “Male” attention & yet desires love, she is surrounded by fans & yet is lonely.

The movie does have its blemishes in form of length, almost like an item song lasting for 2.5 hrs.!, but then that’s what it is meant to be! Also some of the scenes are not so convincing, like the one where Silk unknowingly lands up at a porno-movie shoot in desperation for a role as she needs money & doesn’t even know what to do(whether to leave or stay)! Where is the tea-stall Amma, when she doesn’t have any one to talk to? Moreover Silk’s downward spiral is not as engrossing as her rise to fame or rather infamy (Silk ka naam badnaam hone se hua hai!), so post interval the film seems slow & dragging.

The film is more than "Skin deep" dirty! It brings to surface, what is "dirty" within, be it hypocrisy, scheming, hatered or jealousy!

Overall great Dialogues & greater acting! Watch it for the power packed performances & intelligent one-liners!

Dirty Picture sirf teen cheezon ki wajeh se chalegi, Vidya Vidya aur Vidya!

L(ov+uc)

Jack & Jill

Just imagine…

What could terrify Jack Sadelstein(Adam Sandler), a successful advertising executive the most? Do not let your imagination run too far! It’s his twin sister, Jill’s (also played by Adam) annual visit on the Thanksgiving! Jill’s Stupor & belligerence is exasperating to jack.

Jack thinks the only way to get Jill on track is to find her, her special someone! Meanwhile Jack’s boss wants him to convince Al-Pachino to shoot a commercial for dunkin’ donuts! Al meets Jill & is fascinated by her simplicity! Jill falls for a Mexican guy! Then ensues at least 10mins. of farting & indigestion jokes! Amidst the “romantic triangle” & over the board stupidity, it seems the movie’s saving grace is 2min sp. Appearance of Johnny Depp & the real twins that talk about themselves, prior to & post, the story of Jack & Jill! Bad script wastes the actor’s potential & a strong premise that could have led to an excellent comedy flick!

If you have watched “the grown-ups” & expect similar EQ(entertainment Quotient), then you are bound to be disappointed!

This movie did help me come up with a new rhyme:

Jack and Jill went up the hill,

To fetch a script of farter,

God knows why they made the movie,

It’s such a huge disaster!

Watch it with a can of cola, a tub of popcorn & a nursery rhyme book, after all you might find the idea of reading Jack & Jill better than watching it!

L(ov+uc)

Dam 999

Just imagine...

What would happen if a Dam collapsed? How many people would die? & what would happen if a pathetic 3D romantic movie is made on the backdrop of such a disaster? Ans: Audience would curse DAMN! & Collapse in their seats!

The premise itself is miserable, as it suggests that the collapse of a Dam is a result of expression of love by our hero, for his childhood sweetheart, Mira, whom he could not marry as their horoscopes did not match! The girl’s father (Rajit Kapoor) is an infallible astrologer & an ayurvedic doctor & is dead against the communion!

There are in all 9 characters including hero’s friend, a mariner & his beautiful wife, Razia, mariner's sister & brother-in-law (Aashish Vidhyarthy), hero’s little son & hero’s British wife Sandra(Linda Arsenio). All entangled in a mess!

The movie gained unnecessary publicity due to Kerala-Tamil Nadu dam controversy, which indeed has nothing to do with the motion picture!

A muddled plot, pathetic performances & feeble VFX are the primary factors to avoid such a disastrous waste of time & money! It’s 3D stands for 3^rd Degree torture!

DAMN it!

L(ov+uc)

The Help

Just imagine...

A white, young, educated & rich woman interviewing a black, old, marginalized maid! How does it feel to raise WHITE children when your own are left at home by themselves? How does it feel to work for the WHITE? Do you dream of being someone else? Asks Eugene Skeeter (Emma Stone) to Abilene Clark (Viola Davis)

Based on Kathryn Stockett's novel, the film revolves around racial discrimination in Jackson, Mississippi during the early 1960's. Young Miss Skeeter has just returned to Jackson, after completing her education & has landed up with a job as a "cleaning" columnist rather than finding a suitable groom for herself. Since her maid Constantine (Cicely Tyson), who worked for her family for 29yrs., has been fired, she asks for Abilene’s help, as she herself knows nothing about the "cleaning" due to her privileged background. Eugene desires to be a writer & is in search of a subject that has not been written about.

On one of the "Only WHITE" Bridge club parties Skeeter's friends, Elizabeth & Hilly discuss about how "separate" toilets for the BLACK maids are necessary, highlighting the raciest nature of Miss Hilly(Bryce Dallas Howard).

Lightning has struck & this is what Skeeter wants to write about: Racism, from the maid's perspective!

Hilly later has to "Eat Shit" (literally) after firing her maid Minnie (Octava Spencer), for using the same bathroom as the WHITES. Minnie’s new employer, Celia, is exactly the opposite of Hilly.

How were the BLACKs treated? Were all the WHITES racists? What was the norm in the early 60's? What kind of legislation applied to the BLACKs? & many more questions answered through the characters, brought to life, by the dint of Flawless acting of the entire cast.

The main drawback of the movie is its story line! If Skeeter is so bothered about the help, why doesn’t she share her income, as the columnist, with Abilene? Why doesn’t Abilene get credit for the cleaning column? Why would the maids in the first place, trust Skeeter, when her own mother has fired Constantine? Why doesn’t Skeeter Insist on knowing other maid's story before the publication house demands more interviews? Why are the WHITE men never in the picture, weren’t they as racists as their counterparts?

Though the movie has its flaws & raises more questions than what it answers, it is a MUST WATCH! Stunning performances make up for the flaws!

L(ov+uc)

Happy Feet: Two

Just imagine…

A penguin concert in an ice-covered emperor land, far away, where all the penguins sing & dance except little Eric (Ava Acres), the son of Mumble (Elijah Wood) & Gloria (Alicea Moore). Eric has two left feet & is mocked at due to his lack of talent, which instigates him to run away along with his two buddies. In another penguin land the kid-penguins meet “Swen”(Hank Azaria), a puffin that falsely claims to be a “flying-penguin” & is a self-proclaimed miracle-penguin. He Inspires Eric & gives him the secret of his success viz: If you want it, you have to will it; if you will it, it will be yours!

Everyone is tensed at the sudden disappearance of little-penguins. So a search operation is carried out by mumble, in which he succeeds. while returning, Mumble helps save the life of an elephant-seal, Bryan. No brownie-points for guessing that Brian will help Mumble in the later part of the movie!

Meanwhile, somewhere in the ocean, Will (Brad Pitt)-the krill, wants to get out of the regular “swarming” mentality. In the quest of an adventure Will, along with his best buddy, Bill (Matt Damon)-the krill sets out to find the ‘end of the world’! Frustrated about being at the bottom of the food chain, Will gets ambitious & wants to eat something with a face! Will this pair of krill survive? How would their adventure turn out to be?

On returning, mumble & company see that the emperor land penguins are stuck in a steep valley-like formation, due to a calamity (Ice-berg sliding). Cut off from Food, how will the penguins of Emperor land survive? Their only hope is Mumble, but how can he fish for such a huge population? What will they do to survive?

The story is a jumbled up mess, too preachy & confusing for the kids; too boring & predictable for the adults. It scores high on animation & given the fact that there is little scope to show expressions on a penguin’s face, Voice-overs have done an excellent job! The scoring point is the “story of the Krills”-will & bill.

If you are going to watch the movie keeping in mind the award-winning prequel then you are bound to be disappointed.

Watch it with a tub of popcorn & a can of cola, just to save you from Cold-Feet! 

L(ov+uc)

Twilight Saga: The breaking dawn (part I)

Just imagine…

Flowers, Champagne, Cake, Music & everything else that can be thought of, to make Out-of-the-book wedding (literally), of Vampire, Edward Collin(Robert Pattison) & Human, Bella Swan(Kristine Stewart), picture perfect! No treat for guessing werewolf Jacob’s (TaylorLautner) reaction! Post bed-breaking passionate honeymoon Bella realises She’s Pregnant!

The Collins don’t know if such a “thing” is even possible! So to find out they resort to the only option we humans have: Google! Nevertheless, this foetus is inexplicably rapidly growing & taking a toll on Bella’s health; crushing her bones, reducing her pulse & probably depleting her RBC count! Once again Edward & Jake come together, to try to convince Bella to get an abortion, in order to save her life! Obviously our paradigm of principles, Bella decides to give birth to her child, even at the risk of her life. Adding to the DQ(Drama Quotient), the Werewolves think that such a “hybrid” vamp-sapien would be a threat & hence should be destroyed before it is born. Naturally, Jacob leaves the pack & makes another one with two wolves, after all the sole purpose of his existence is to protect Bella, isn't it?

Will Bella give birth to the child? Will the child let Bella survive? Will the werewolves succeed? Will Bella live? Can & will Edward convert her?

The movie is better than its prequel eclipse & sets the mood & raises the expectations for its sequel. Edward & Bella are now in a more mature mode & it is refreshing to see Bella in a more of active role rather than self-pitying & Melancholic role!

If you have seen the three prequels you might as well watch it, it’s worth a watch then. If you haven’t viewed the prequels & still want to watch the movie, don’t worry, you will be easily able to guess the story that precedes the wedding.

 Is it required to mention that it’s a must watch if you are a Twilight series fan or if you like Romantic "supernatural" fiction!?

L(ov+uc)

Desi Boys

Just imagine…

The time of recession, when there is more firing than hiring & more bills to pay than checks to deposit. In such a wretched situation are our lead characters Jerry (Akshay Kumar) & Nik (Jhon Abraham) wherein Jerry has to look after his nephew, veer & Nik has a high-maintenance girlfriend Radhika (Dipika Padukone).

No job, no money & no hope: the only way such a situation is portrayed in a Bollywood movie is by showing sad looking protagonists at a bar trying to get drunk! How cliché! Then enters their saviour Sanjay Dutt, who runs a recession-proof male-escort company, Desi Boys. From then on till the intermission the movie is a costume party, Jerry & Nik dress sometimes as police officers (Mumbai police in UK! & women go gaga!), sometimes role-play male strippers & what not! But in every bachelorette party they “lend” their services, the females dancing in the background seem to be performing a strip show rather than our lead escorts!

As if the situation isn’t worse enough, Radhika catches Nik “red-Handed” & breaks off their engagement & Veer is snatched away from Jerry & sent to foster care. & now on the movie is all about Moral-science! Nik stays in a caravan parked opposite Radhika’s house in order to win her back (Tere ghar ke saamne- another Cliché). In order to make Nik Jealous, Radhika goes on a date (yet another Cliché), with Ajay (Omi Vaidya), who is by far the most genuinely funny character in the entire movie, irrespective of the great garam-Masaledar Jodi of AK & John! Jerry goes back to complete his graduation in order to make himself employable! Enter Chitrangadha as Tanya,an economics professor who plays Strip-Pokery-revision-Quiz with Jerry! Obviously with such a great Quiz mistress & revision sessions Jerry is bound to get his degree & Naukri.

Do not strip if you get the rest of the story right! Jerry gets back the custody of his nephew & Nik his lady love.

It may be the male version of Laaga Chunri mein daag, just a bit funnier. The movie has its witty bits; one-liners & killer PJs that will make you laugh & keep you alive through the movie.

Nothing lost if you decide against watching it; nothing gained if you decide to watch it.

L(ov+uc)

What an idea mai!

Just imagine...

A two minute advertisement of Idea mobile streched to make almost 2 hour soap opera! Moreover they used 3G too, quiet literally, the movie is about 3 generations: grandmother, her sons & daughters-in-law & grandchildren.

Mai (Usha Nadkarni), before dying leaves clues that would lead her sons to a hidden treasure in their ancestral village. All this in order to bring peace, harmony & bonding amongst the family members who are almost always at logger heads with each other. In their "treasure hunt" expedition, they realise the value of each other.

Bad script, terrible acting & too many unnecessary characters spoil what could have been a very good premise for a successful film. The Annu Malik act of Ctrl C+ Ctrl V in the background score is nauseating, factually speaking I have heard almost the same score being played in the Palladium washrooms at Phoenix Mills!

The movie definitely has its positives, as it has taught me two most important virtues, Patience (I watched the entire film!) & Persistence (I am writing a review about it on my blog!)
Do Not Watch, if you do not like TV Soaps!

However if you still decide to watch the movie, don't forget to grab a can of cola & a tub of popcorn, just to keep you awake!
L(ov+uc)